what do I really want out of all of this?

the arch - oil on canvas

A very wise friend of mine recently reminded me that we need to let the universe know what we want so that we get what we want...now I am not 100% sure that we get what we want, but I do know for certain that we get what we need...what we need to learn, to grow, to be fully what we decided we wanted to be before we forgot...

but just in case we are meant to get what we want...I have been asking myself, what do I really want from my art, a career? a diversion? to leave my mark? fame? I have always been an artist, but for a long time I was a painter that didn't paint, and a writer that didn't write...then one day, the pain of not painting, and not writing, got worse than the pain of actually doing those things...so I sat down and wrote my novel (18 months of hard work, and it is 1000's of words long, but needs an epic re-write and editing session...) and I picked up that paint brush...

what I can say? What I can say unequivocally, is that painting, no, art, is my passion...I can't descibe the drive that makes us paint... is it primeval? is it the ultimate arrogance that we think others want to see what's going on inside our heads...make them see what we see when we open our eyes? Is it why I am here? to paint the reflection of boats on the water...the way sunlight hits the Arc de Triomphe in the August heat? Can it really be that simple?

Well, just in case we really do get what we ask for, I am going to tell the universe right here and now what I want from my art, from my life. I have a wonderful husband and a fabulous son, family and friends, my health and a home and I am already an artist. I am so blessed!

And now...I want to take this ride as far as it will go! I want success as an artist...and I define that by the number of paintings I am making and selling to those who want them. I am not trying to make statements or to be provocative...I just want to make pictures and sell them to people who love them!

I want the whole box and dice here...I want to travel with my art...to France...to the USA...to Spain...I want to sell a lot of paintings and be sought out by collectors...I don't want to be rich and famous, but I want enough money so I can do all the things I want to do and help my family. I want to do the work that I want to do...make the art that comes bubbling out of me...and I want to be a role model for other women and for my son...to live out his passion for music and take that ride as far as it will go.

so there you have it...is that my prayer? my offering up to the universe a shopping list for success as an artist? This is the first time in my life that I have had the guts to really ask for something! and I really believe that this will happen, that it is already happening. this year has been such a rush of firsts and achievements. In April I was miserable working in a Bathroom showroom...doing a great job but in a funk. I didn't have time to paint and it was driving me nuts! I decided enough was enough and left and within the last 7 months I am now a full time artist earning a living from my art...and now I just gotta think...bigger...!